Hawaii has lost one of it's most beloved.   While I was growing up,  Frank Fasi was a permanent fixture in my childhood, he and my mom had three things in common, they worked for the City & County, they spoke their mind and they were both feisty as they come.

Frank Fasi became the mayor the year I entered kindergarten, 1968,  and was mayor until the year before I graduated, 1980.  And that was only his first term.   I remember going on a field trip to the State Capital in first or second grade, and standing on the bottom of the rotunda, when our teacher pointed him out.  He was standing near the railing on the level above us, smiling and waving.

The bus system was Fasi's.  That ubiquitous shaka sign, outlined in black, was on those buses everyday that I rode them.  Fasi was a presence, and an unconventional one at times, but he was there, and he was busy doing things.  Even if you didn't agree with him,  he was keeping busy and was a city servant, and the proof in that pudding is all around us today.

Childhood has a way of just disappearing and melting away like the candles on a birthday cake.  When I heard about his passing yesterday, I was saddened and realized that my childhood is farther away than ever before, but Frank Fasi is part of the happy memories of that time.

I told my daughter that he died yesterday, and she said, "Who's that?"

My mom, as forgetful as she has become, remembered him and chatted about him for a bit.  I can't believe that my mom has outlived Frank Fasi.

With heartfelt condolences to his family for a man who will be missed.  Aloha and thank you Mr. Fasi!

From Kevin:

Most caregivers have wide-ranging responsibilities in addition to providing direct care to a family member or loved one. Those responsibilities may involve financial management, home maintenance, yard and garden care, and so on.

And, of course, cooking -- something which may need to be done three or more times a day.

Here's a tip from the City and County of Honolulu's Department of Environmental Services: "Don't be a Pain in Your Drain!"

More to the point: Don't pour your cooking oil down the drain after you're done cooking with it.

I visited a booth recently where the Department of Environment Services had something on display that looked like a large rock. (See photo below.) On closer inspection, I saw that it wasn't a rock. What was it? This was the description attached to the item:

"This is not a meteor or a moon rock, although it is as hard as a rock or concrete. The encased sample was retrieved from Honolulu's public wastewater system. It is an example of what happens in a wastewater collection system when grease generated from cooking and cleanup activities in your home or business is poured down the sink. Grease combines with sediment and other materials in the wastewater, sticks to pipe walls, and eventually blocks the line. The resulting event is a wastewater spill and potential threat to public health and the environment."

The Department dubbed the object a "GREASE-CRETE" (which sounds like concrete).

Rather than pouring your cooking oil down the drain, wipe it off the pan with a paper towel or stuff a container with paper and pour the grease in the container then throw the container in the trash.

This could help keep your drain and the environment in better condition.

A clogged drain just adds more work to a caregiver's long list of things to do.

Here's a photo of that disgusting rock-like substance mentioned above:

GREASE-CRETE: Cooking oil mixed with sediments that ends up in the public wastewater system.

by Melissa K.

Though we may not want to admit it, trying to reckon aging is like a trip to the dentist that you've dreaded for months.  You know you are going to hate it.  I see the white hairs popping out on my head and look in the mirror and wonder what the heck is going on with my face.  Even though I exercise regularly sometimes getting out of bed is painful and I feel my joints stiffening.  I can't read the telephone book anymore and have to ask the wait help to read me the menu.  And so forth.  Those who are over forty know what I am talking about.

Aging sucks.  It's like Nora Ephron says in her book, "I Feel Bad About My Neck".

Every so often I read a book about age, and whoever's writing it says it's great to be old.  It's great to be wise and sage and mellow;  it's great to be at the point in life where you understand just what matters in life.  I cna't stand people who says things like this.

She adds in another chapter:

There are all sorts of books written for the older women.  They are as far as I can tell, uniformly upbeat and full of bromides and homilies about how pleasant life can be once one is free from all the nagging obligations of children, monthly periods, and in some cases, full-time jobs.  I find these books utterly useless, just as I found all the books I once read about menopause utterly useless.  Why do people write books that say it's better to be older than to be younger?  It's not better.  Even if you have all your marbles, you're constantly reaching for the name of the person you met the day before yesterday.  Even if you're in great shape, you can't chop an onion the way you used to and you can't ride a bicycle several miles without becoming a candidate for traction.  If you work, you're surrounded by young people who are plugged into the marketplace, the demographic, the zeitgeist; they want your job and someday soon they're going to get it.

-Nora Ephron

Now that is depressing.  Age is something that women especially, try to fight off, as is evidenced by the surge in the last few decades of people opting for plastic surgery to make everything bigger, higher and tighter.  It's everywhere, marketed especially for those who are set off in panic mode when the wrinkles and white hair and extra material in the waistline appear.

What can you do?  Not a whole lot, unless you are going to go under the knife, and judging by the photos that are published online with the results of such procedures, I can't say you are going to come out that much on the plus side.  Youth has it's definite advantages.

I see this in women who are losing the dew and beauty of their youth, desperately trying to reverse the clock and failing miserably.  Have you looked at the skin on a twenty-something year old?  That is what I mean.  Dove soap or not, they have had less exposure to life's stresses.

Aging puts us all on the same page.  We can fight it tooth and nail, but we are going to get there. Some of us will arrive later but we are all boarding the same flight.   We can be despondent and wring out hands over it, or we can just make the best of the rest of the ride here and determine not to let those wrinkles and spots prevent us from enjoying life to the fullest, even into our later years.

As Ephron puts it,

"I don't know why so much nonsense about age is written-although I can certainly understand that no one really wants to read anything that says aging sucks.  (ha ha, I just wrote that in the beginning of this entry)  We are a generation that has learned to believe we can do something about almost everything.  We are active-hell, we are proactive.  We are positive thinkers.  We will do crossword puzzles to ward off Alzheimer's and eat six almonds a day to ward off cancer.  We are in control.  Behind the wheel.  On the cutting edge.  We seek out the options.  We surf the net.

But there are some things that are absolutely, definitively, entirely uncontrollable.

I am dancing around the D word, but I don't mean to be coy.  When you cross into your sixties, your odds of dying-or of merely getting horribly sick on the way to dying-spike.  Death is a sniper.  It strikes people you love, people you like, people you know, it's everywhere.  You could be next.  But then you turn out not to be.  But then again you could be."  end

All of this should have me worried and lying awake in bed at night, but I can't.  I have to seize the day, cook rice, hang the laundry, look after my mom, buy groceries and remember to at least brush my teeth before I go to bed.   And I don't have time to worry about aging anymore, I have other things that will occupy my time and thoughts.  But if you have some samples of face cream, send them my way and I'll try them.  Thanks.

From Kevin:

Here's a heartwarming and inspiring story about an actress who is making her Broadway debut at the age of 81. Her name is Alice Duffy, and one of her daughters is a producer at NBC Nightly News. The daughter, Clare Duffy, has this to say about her mother's acting career, which was temporarily halted when she had a family:

"[M]y mother did what a lot of women of her era did, she focused her energies on family -- raising three children. But she never lost her love of the theatre. When she got back into the theatre in Boston as a character actress, doing plays, television commercials and even movies, I learned a very important lesson -- that it's never too late to do what you love. And I've loved the chance to see my mother admired by her fellow actors, reveling in a world that's helped her get through some very hard times -- losing my father, both of her siblings and, just four months ago, my sister."

In the video clip of Alice Duffy, the reporter says that she (Duffy) almost backed out of the role after her daughter died. But she decided go forward with it because that is what her late daughter would have wanted.

Older adults have different abilities and talents, of course. Perhaps the moral of the story is that no matter what stage of life you are in, try to do what you love, if possible.

Here's an article about Alice Duffy with a video of her story:

http://dailynightly.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2010/01/27/2186509.aspx

Enjoy!

From Kevin:

As people age, they often begin to realize that their current home may not be suitable for future years. Perhaps the home is too large to manage, has too many tripping hazards, has stairs that are hard to climb up or down, is not conveniently located for public transportation, is not close enough to other family members who can help out as needed, requires too much upkeep, and so on. There are many reasons a home may no longer work out, so older adults begin to consider other options. It's difficult to leave a home you have grown attached to and feel comfortable in. Sometimes older adults have lived in a home for decades -- a home with so many memories and one that no other home can quite match. Nevertheless, a decision is made to start looking for an alternative.

These alternatives vary in quality and level of services offered. There are retirement communities that serve basically as a complex where people of a certain age can live and have minimal support services, and there are assisted-living communities that offer many more services. The time to begin exploring these options is before you urgently need them. How much do they cost? What do they offer? What happens if you get sick and need a higher level of care, including 24-hour nursing care -- will it be available, or will you need to move to another facility?

What kinds of housing options for older adults are available in Hawaii?

The Medicare Web site provides a chart of different types of housing/long-term care options. See:

http://www.medicare.gov/LongTermCare/Static/TypesOverview.asp

They include:

• Community-Based Services
• Home Health Care
• In-Law Apartments
• Housing for Aging and Disabled Individuals
• Board and Care Homes
• Assisted Living
• Continuing Care Retirement Communities
• Nursing Homes

Not all of the options above require that a person leave the home, but if an older person gets to the point where he or she does need (or want) to leave the home for a more supportive environment, what is out there?

This is a major decision: physically, psychologically and FINANCIALLY!

A future post will examine some housing options in Hawaii for older adults thinking about moving out of their current homes.